I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
