Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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