you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
