Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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