It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
