Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
