you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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