I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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