Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
