remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
