I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
