New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
