If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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