How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
