1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
