omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
