Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
