Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
