Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
