He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
