Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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