You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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