what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
