o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
