this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
