i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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