between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
