I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
