did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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