Having a random hookup so left but love u
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
