Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
only if we run a train.
done.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
