can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Are we still banned from the library?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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