I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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