Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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