I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
