i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
