Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
