The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
