Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
