and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
