So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
