I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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