made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
