I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
