i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
