if you like me you must not know who I am
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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