I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize