who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
