I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
