Sacagawea was the original milf.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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