the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my being single is dangerous.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
