What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Come on in and take your pants off
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