the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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