pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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