i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
