My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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