the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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