I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize