remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
