We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
